Losing control.

“Everything will be okay”

“Things will get better in time”

“This is just a phase, you’ll pull yourself out of it soon.”

These are the 3 most common lies I’ve heard off of people who know about my depression. They seem to believe that I should be able to just ‘slap myself out of it’ straight away This isn’t the case, I have been struggling for years and I’m still not better. I don’t know if I ever will be.

All I know is that I want to keep trying but the thoughts are just too overwhelming and I’m scared I won’t be able to ignore them for much longer. What do you do when the thoughts inside your head are so loud you can’t even hear yourself think? What do you do when you try pushing them to the back of your mind, but they always manage to slide through? What do you do when you can’t see a way out?

Nothing. That’s what you do. Nothing.

I don’t know how to deal with them anymore, they’re getting louder and louder. My friends and family don’t understand in the slightest and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this. This is why I write this blog. I know it’s super depressing and I’m sorry, but at the moment it is my only way of release.

When I was younger, I thought I had my whole life ahead of me. I thought I had everything planned, but that really isn’t the case; everything is so out of control, I can’t seem to grip on to anything. I feel like I’m falling and life is so unpredictable, and that scares me. It fucking terrifies me.


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