Hi there everyone.

Trying to blog more often because it distracts me and gives my day a purpose. I never know what to expect anymore, my moods are so unpredictable. Today I have been both happy and really down, and now I am just laid in bed despite it only being around quart past 4. Wow.

Sometimes I think that my life is so boring but then I just sit and think to myself “why are you complaining?”
I have it good. A lot better than some other people’s and then I go and complain that I’m bored. Better being bored than living in starvation like many others in the world who live in poverty. I just feel so guilty for having things when others barely have anything.

But on the other hand, I crave adventure. I crave to be doing something meaningful and worthwhile instead of just lying in bed on my laptop, writing about my life in which I do nothing. I want to be rockclimbing, abseiling, volunteering, snowboarding, skiing, surfing etc. I want to do something fun. I haven’t done anything really fun in a long time. And by this I mean, really fun, to the point where I am extremely happy. I can’t remember the last time that I was completely and unconditionally happy.

I know I should be happy. This isn’t me being ungrateful because I am so grateful for everything that I have, including my family and friends. I just can’t bring myself to be fully happy.

Thanks guys.

Bethany xoxo


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