Hi there guys. I haven’t posted in a long, long time purely because I’ve just been so busy and my mind has been so hectic. For those of you that may be interested, I will just tell you what has been happening in my life.

As you may know, I have been suffering from Depression for quite a long time now. I, however, have finally been referred to CAMHS and have had a mental health psychiatric assessment. They told me that they are still going to use medication to treat my depression but they are querying Bipolar disorder and possibly starting me on mood stabilisers if my mood continues to plummet and make me fairly manic.

It was kind of a relief to know this. Not because I possibly have a serious mental disorder (other than depression) but because there may be an explanation as to why other treatments aren’t helping. Maybe I’m not just a lost cause. I am back on the 28th to discuss my medication, so I will see then what they decide to do.

They changed my antidepressants to see if another form helped, and they did at first. However, my moods are starting to fluctuate once again. For the past few nights, I have had mental breakdowns and have not been able to function properly. The thoughts about death are coming back again, which is terrifying because being alone with these thoughts scares me.

I also accepted the University of York and put it as my firm choice, with the University of Huddersfield as an insurance. I really really hope that I do achieve the grades to get into York because that is one of the only things keeping me going lately.

My sister also moved back in with us. It is nice to have the whole family back again, despite recurrent arguments that really get me down. She had her 12 week scan today, and we now have a picture of the baby inside of her! it’s so surreal.

Anyway, there may be a few more rants following wider issues coming up lately; because if you know me, I love wider context issues and debates.


Bethany xoxo


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