So, for those of you who read my last past you will be aware of my recent heartbreak. Of course I’m still heartbroken, but I’m realising that I can’t change the way he feels. I don’t think it would have ever worked anyway; he didn’t help me with my depression. He did at first, he was always there for me. But for the past few months when I have needed him, he’s just ignored me. I don’t expect him to be there for me on beck and call, but when I was having panic attacks and needed him he shouldn’t have ignored me. He knows how bad my depression is, and he couldn’t care less. So, I suppose this is for the past. It hurts like hell that he doesn’t care for me anymore, but I’m going to have to try and move on.
At first, I blamed myself. But now, even though I still feel like it is my fault I know deep down that it wasn’t. My depression isn’t my fault, and if he couldn’t cope with me at my worst he didn’t deserve me at my best. I can’t help my depression and anxiety, I wish I didn’t have it but I do. I just have to accept that, and so did he. But he obviously didn’t. He shouldn’t have led me on for months, and when he started to realise he didn’t care for me like I did him he should told me. I fell deeper and deeper for him, while he was falling out of love with me. I love him like crazy and I would do anything for him. I hate that I still love him, but I do. It’s a fact. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him. But I have to move on.