I grew up believing that God was real, and I never questioned that. My parents didn’t socialise me into this either, neither of them believe in God. So really, I don’t know how I came to believe in God. Maybe it was peers, maybe not. Who knows? Anyway, my point is that all my life until 2 years ago or so I was a believer. I believed that when bad things happened, they happened for a reason – because God wanted them to happen, and my path was predetermined. I simply just had to endure the bad things in order to achieve the good things.
So what changed? Why did I suddenly start questioning the existence of God? Bad things happened around me, and I just wondered – if there is a God, why would he make people endure such terrible things? Why would there be cancer in the world, and starvation and mental illnesses? Why would any God sit there and watch these things happen?
Some people would argue that God needs us to suffer in order to achieve good things. Or to solve ‘over-population’. I’m sorry but no. I refuse to believe that. I wouldn’t be able to sit around idly watching people die from awful illnesses. So how can someone who is supposedly kind sit and watch?
I don’t know, I want to believe. But wanting to believe and actually believing are two different things. I want there to be a heaven, I so want there to be. But do I believe it anymore? I just don’t know.