On the 9th of November I will have been talking to him for 5 months exactly. I can honestly say that those 5 months will have been the best months of my entire life. I have been happier than I ever have been while talking to him, and skyping with him and just loving him.
I can’t remember when exactly I realised that I loved him, but I just knew. I can’t go a day without talking to him, and whenever I get a message I immediately hope it is him and when it isn’t I’m disappointed. But when it is a message from him, a smile immediately lights up my face and I’m happy.
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Before I started talking to him, my emotions were out of control. I was hurting so much and I was close to doing something. Something bad. But then he stopped me, because talking to him is what I look forward to every day and I don’t want to lose that.
I can’t imagine what life would be without him anymore. Because if I lost him I wouldn’t just lose him, I would lose myself. I can’t imagine going everyday without his laugh, his smile, his voice, his messages, and just him. I know that I truly would not want to live in a world without him.
I don’t know if he knows how much I do actually love him and care for him, and how much he means to me. I tell him I love him everyday, and I’m scared that I am scaring him off or something. Because I’m not exactly in the best of places, but I am a lot better than I was before I met him. I’m scared that he will get sick of me.
Whenever I have my bad thoughts, I just think of him and they go away pretty quickly. All I have to do is think about him or message him and everything just seems so much better. He’s done so much for me and I don’t know if he realises how much he did actually save me.
I never thought that I would be as comfortable with someone as I am with him. The first time we skyped we skyped for 8 hours, and there was never one awkward moment. When there are silences on Skype, they are comfortable and nice. It’s nice just to sit there in silence sometimes and just be with him. I wish we could be together in person so much but I know that that day will come and I can’t wait. I appreciate him so so much.
There are so many things that I love about him. His laugh, his smile, his eyes, his one dimple, his hair, how he always has to wear a hat, the cute thing he does with his tongue when he is concentrating. He is also so funny and he never ever fails to make me laugh and when I am talking to him I never have a smile off of my face. He is one of the kindest people I have ever met and he is so caring and strong and I admire him so much. I also love how when I’m stressing out about something he will just be like “chill maaan”. Usually when people tell me to chill I get so agitated but when he says it, it just makes me laugh and actually does make me less stressed. I could never be angry at him, which is amazing because I actually can be such an angry person. I know that I have so many flaws but the fact that he puts up with me makes me unbelievably happy.There are times when I am so proud of him and there are times when he is down and I just want to hug him tight to me and I can’t and as infuriating as it is that I can’t be there with him, he is so worth it. I literally don’t go a minute without thinking about him, and he is the first thing I think of when I wake up but I wouldn’t change that for the world. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I always create scenarios in my head of what it will be like when we’re together, or what we will do or what it will be like when we’re older. I can truly see myself being with him forever, which I never thought I would. I always thought that I would get bored in a long term relationship but with him I just find myself wanting to have adventures with him and just be with him forever. He’s just amazing and I hope that he will always want to be with me as well, because he is all I ask for at the moment.
This is the cheesiest post I have ever written, and I can just imagine my followers reading it and thinking about how sad and soppy I am but I just wanted to express all of this in words because just writing all of this makes me happy and it’s a difficult day today. I just want to thank him for everything he has done for me and I don’t know if I will show him this but we’ll see.
But just in case I do show him, thankyou so much for being there for me and putting up with me. You are the reason that I am happy and I am so grateful. I love you with every single inch of my heart and I always will. ❤