Body issues.

Everyone is insecure about their body at some point during their lives. Whether they’re too fat, too thin, too voluptuous, too flat-chested, the list is infinite. But look at the picture above. Everyone on that picture is of a different size, and do any of them look bad? The answer is no.

They all look good despite all being diverse. And look at their faces. Do any one of them look unhappy? Again, the answer is no. But I’m not naive. I realise that a lot can be hidden beneath a vibrant smile. We don’t know what anyone is thinking on the inside. We all face our own battles. Remember that when you start judging someone.

Anyway, the point of this post is that despite being severely unhappy with my body I realise that I will never be as slim as some other girls. And I’m okay with that. I just want to get to a healthy weight where I will be happy with myself, and my health will be stable. Is that too much to ask for?

I had weight management today. In 4 weeks, I have lost 10 pounds. But I’m not seeing a difference in my body yet, but the time will come. But please, anyone who is dieting do not ever starve yourself. You’re so much more than that and you are beautiful.

I know that I will never go overboard and I will lose weight healthily. Mainly because I had to watch my brother experience a really severe eating disorder. He had Anorexia Nervosa, and I remember when I started noticing it. He would shove his food around his plate, he would go out on 4 mile runs every single night and his bones jutted out so much. It was horrifying. I remember him fainting, and no matter what we couldn’t stop it. When we finally got him admitted into hospital, they told us that if he had been brought in longer then 24 hours later he would have died.

Cut forward a while, he was admitted into a unit for eating disorders 2 hours away from where we lived. We could only see him every 2 weeks on a Tuesday, and he had to be fed through a tube. It took him a long long time to recover. When he finally came home, he kept running away. He moved in with his girlfriend for about a year. He finally moved back, and we have a better relationship. Throughout all this, he wouldn’t sit next to me, let me touch his things, he wouldn’t sit anywhere that I had sat previously, he wouldn’t even hug me or anything. Because he thought I was fat and he didn’t want to catch it.

Throughout all this, I knew that it was his eating disorder talking. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. I love him, and I am so grateful to still have him here. He still has a lot of tendencies and he doesn’t address that time at all anymore, but he’s on the right track. He’s moving upwards.

I just don’t know if while he’s moving upwards, I’m spiralling downwards.

But anyway, I went off of track. Respect yourselves. Try and love yourself, and let people in. Let people help. Don’t hurt yourself in order to achieve an impossible goal.

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