“I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend.”

Yes. So maybe I quoted TFIOS in my title, which even makes me tear up just thinking about the film. But I just think that this quote fits my life at the minute, and I need to include it in my daily life as a kind of mantra, so to say.

My life feels like a rollercoaster at the minute. Such a cliché saying I know, I’m embarrassed. But I literally feel like that. My mood can switch from being manic and happy and talking 50 miles a minute (slight exaggeration) to being intensely low (not an exaggeration). Also, the moments in my life are up and down.

Ups:
1. Things with the guy I really love are good. We still can’t meet up for a while and it’s difficult not being able to see him in person, but talking to him is enough. And he is so worth the wait.

2. My anti-depressants have been upped, and even though they’re on the maximum dosage, I feel like they’re having some effect. Even if it’s just a little, I’m making progress.

3. I’m losing weight. This is making me happy because I have wanted to do it for so long, and now I have the determination to do it. About half a stone so far.

4. I’m doing well in school. Well, in Sociology and Psychology that is. I love Sociology so much, and I am very very excited for University.

Downs:

1. I’m so so stressed. I have headaches almost every day for the past few years, and when I’m stressed (which is basically all the time) they’re quite intense. Think a migraine is coming on. I have these every few weeks or so, really badly.

2. Biology is draining every single bit of energy from me. I am not enjoying it at all, the stuff is really really confusing me, and I need an A. Good luck to me.

3. This should be number 1 and it is the worst, but I was avoiding writing it. My dad is ill, we get the results next week. It may be something bad. I am terrified.

4. I’m having an assessment soon. I’m very scared for this as well.

So I guess the ups and downs are balanced out. At least they’re equally weighted and the downs aren’t outweighing the ups. I just hope I can minimise the downs.

Thankyou for reading this rant if you did.

Bethany.

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